ASDKings.com

  I try to rip off the mask fighting to live on my face. When it’s halfway off, it gives up …but I stop. I’m scared to lose my greatest weapon. It’s the 7th or 8th version and it tells me if I don’t like it we can always start again with revisions and upgrades. The latest upgrade, ‘Tactical Empathy Leak’ was a smash-hit success. But, it’s not about protecting me from the world anymore. It protects me from myself, because I’m not ready to be who I know I’ll become without it. I need to run towards the challenge. What does it mean to be real? I’ll tell you. In Two words: Fuck You. It’s not about saying “Fuck You” to everyone and terrorising people. It’s about having the ability to say Fuck You when you need to. It’s an energy you reserve on standby. It’s a position to never need anything from someone you dislike. The balls to walk away. The gall to say you don’t care. The audacity to put your deep needs first. The self-respect to not talk to people you don’t vibe with. Level 2’s and ...

  Autistic Shielding is not in the DSM but it is definitely real. I’ve been doing it my whole life without a clue it had a name. This isn’t just masking. …The fake smiles, the forced eye contact. Shielding is the long term consequence. A parasite in the mind. It’s an alternate identity built brick by brick, just to cope with the neurotypical zoo. Shields show up differently because it’s personal. For me it often meant hiding my sadness or joy or sense of humour because showing anything real just brings more judgment. Sometimes I block out the world with headphones, or routines because the chaos is unbearable. The strongest shield type is social shielding. This is my fake persona that hardened into my mind from years of masking. Charm, silence, humour, selective quirks and whatever it takes to stop being the target of every sideways glance and whispered “weird.” If you’ve ever been told you’re too much, too intense, or to “just be normal,” you know exactly why shielding exists. Th...

  When I look beneath my mask, I see Pain. Aggression. Fear. Self hatred. Regret.  But also- Determination. Passion. Creativity. Empathy. Channelling Dark Matter: Pain as a Power Source About two years ago, I walked into a conversation between two housemates, lets call them Sal and Geoff. We were all avid gym-goers and they were having a fierce debate.  Sal believed it was good to think about his ex in the gym, to channel his pain and hatred into lifting weights as a source of extra power, and as a way to release the traumas. Geoff believed Sal was unhealthy and this was toxic. When they both turned to me for my take on it, I lied and said Geoff was right, and there are healthier sources of drive available. About a half hour later I returned to the conversation to backtrack, knowing I had just been hijacked by my mask to 'say the right thing' and this resulted in me not being real with my bros. In truth, my years of training like a demon and pushing past where most give u...

Photo by Brandon Martinelli on Unsplash WHAT TO DO: Get out of the overstimulating environment  if you can. Step outside, go to a quiet room, or even just turn your back to the chaos for a minute. Use tools that help reduce input : headphones, sunglasses, fidget tools, a hoodie — whatever helps you feel shielded. Ground yourself . Focus 100% on something steady and boring like the feeling of your feet on the ground, a texture, or something you can concentrate on that isn't taxing on your brain. Box Breathing  Breath 4 seconds in, Hold for 4 seconds, Breath out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, repeat. This resets your amygdala (Part of the brain that scans for threats). Don’t force yourself to “push through.”  That usually makes things worse. You’re not weak. You’re responding to an invisible flood.  What Is Sensory Overload? Sensory overload happens when your brain gets overwhelmed by too much sensory input: sound, light, touch, smell, even movement. It’s like yo...

Autistic adults are frequently misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or personality disorders when clinicians fail to recognize masking strategies or atypical presentations, leading to prolonged denial and suffering. Camouflaging or masking autism is strongly associated with depression , self-criticism, and even suicidal risk , particularly in those diagnosed later in life. My Near-Fatal Mistake At 21 years old, I left the office of one of Europe’s leading experts in the field of autism with a piece of paper in my hand and a hole in my chest. Late-diagnosed Autism. It's a weird feeling. A piece of paper that minimises your entire life experience into one word, telling you who you are. How could it possibly know you better than you know yourself? It can't be right. I wasn't ready to face the truth. It had to be a mistake. I'd only spoken to the "qualified expert" for 20 minutes. He doesn't know me. Sure I have quirks and issues, but I'm not autistic. I...