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Autistic Shielding is not in the DSM but it is definitely real. I’ve been doing it my whole life without a clue it had a name.
This isn’t just masking. …The fake smiles, the forced eye contact. Shielding is the long term consequence. A parasite in the mind. It’s an alternate identity built brick by brick, just to cope with the neurotypical zoo.
Shields show up differently because it’s personal. For me it often meant hiding my sadness or joy or sense of humour because showing anything real just brings more judgment. Sometimes I block out the world with headphones, or routines because the chaos is unbearable.
The strongest shield type is social shielding. This is my fake persona that hardened into my mind from years of masking. Charm, silence, humour, selective quirks and whatever it takes to stop being the target of every sideways glance and whispered “weird.”
If you’ve ever been told you’re too much, too intense, or to “just be normal,” you know exactly why shielding exists. The real me isn’t safe. So I build versions acceptable to the normies, versions that might get through the day.
Over time these personas get closer and closer to the real me as I allow carefully selected parts of my true mind shine through, but in the beginning it was false.
I feel closest to my true self in the company of other neurodivergents, talking real subjects in depth and being actually funny.
The furthest I feel from myself is in npc group discussions about whatever braindead show is on, which takeaway is the best, or my favourite: “how fucking drunk we all got hahaha”
For some, the Shield is embracing a personal aesthetic, like being covered in tattoos, or a hyper-feminine look, or it could be persona, such as a definitive expert on something, or becoming the class clown. And for me?
At the age of 17 it was becoming a Gym Bro.
My Muscles made me feel safe. Not just physically, but socially.
When I don't look like I lift, I feel naked. For years I thought this was body dysmorphia, which I was fine with having if it got me to the gym. I'd rather be shredded and worry about losing it than have a dad bod and not being worried about it.
I'd count calories, measure muscles, and meticulously craft sadistic workout regimens to achieve the geometrically perfect, aesthetic physique of a Greek god. Why?
After learning about Autistic Shielding, I finally understood. It wasn't dysmorphia, or bigorexia, it wasn't small-man-syndrome, or anything else like that.
"Gym Bro" was an autistic shield, an all-access hall-pass to the neurotypical world. An entire persona created just so I could stop feeling scrutinised for existing. And it worked.
People stopped questioning everything I did. I was spoken to with more respect. My autistic traits were given more room to be overlooked. People wanted my respect. Socialising was on easy mode for the first time since childhood.
YouTuber “Autism From The Inside” Described It Perfectly
Years ago I came across a video I'll remember for life. Paul Micallef aka Autism From The Inside spoke about how he had always struggled to fit in, then as a young adult, he grew out his hair and got dreadlocks as a white Australian.
He was still the same person, but by altering his external perception to others, he was now instantly accepted, socially deferred to, and considered cool everywhere he went. Mad.
The dreadlocks were his Shield. The muscles were mine. What's yours?
I Didn’t Build a Persona. I Built a Prison.
I’ve been shielding for so long I forgot who I was before it. Not masking. Not just faking smiles or copying tone.
Full-blown reconstruction.
I carved out a version of myself that could be tolerated. That wouldn’t get kicked out of rooms. That wouldn’t make people uncomfortable just by existing.
It worked. That version of me got further. He made friends. He passed interviews. He knew when to laugh and when to shut up. But behind every “normal” interaction was a calculation. What should I say here? How should I stand? Is this too much? Do I go for her now or act disinterested? Do they know I’m not really one of them?
Shielding gave me access to a world that was never built for me. But it cost me everything.
It cost me rest. Every conversation feels like walking a tightrope over broken glass. It cost me clarity. I lost track of the difference between what I actually enjoy and what I forced myself to enjoy just to blend in. It cost me connection. Because when people love the version of you you made to survive, that love never lands. It just slides off.
You start to realise you’re alone in every room, even when it’s full.
And sure, I got benefits. I didn’t get bullied. I could move through crowds without drawing fire. Instead of being called weird I got called a “Character,” which where I’m from is neurotypical for “you entertain me.”
But the longer I kept the shield up, the heavier it got. I burned out. Hard. And no one around me understood why. Because from the outside, I was doing fine. I looked fine. That was the point, right?
Removing the Shield
The truth is, I don’t know who I’d be if I stopped performing in public. If I just let whatever’s underneath all that shielding out into the open. That terrifies me.
I feel the heat when my neurodivergent friends drop the act in public. I do my best to hold myself back from “correcting” their bravery. They deserve better from me.
But what scares me more than being “found out” is staying trapped in this version of myself until I’m too far gone to crawl back.
To my credit I’ve sustained my almost 3 year relationship without shielding or masking and it’s the best one I’ve ever had, because by allowing myself be real, I’m allowing myself to receive support and love directly, not directed at my shield to be absorbed by a sentient mask.
And by learning the importance of this, I’ve created the environment where my partner can be her real self too, making it a two way street of authenticity. She sees the real me and I see the real her.
I, a jaded, retired fuckboy, trust her with my life.
I didn’t write this article for sympathy. I’m writing it because maybe you’ve been doing the same thing. Maybe you built your own armour and now it’s fused to your skin. You forgot where the mask ends and you begin.
Here’s what I’m figuring out: putting the shield down doesn’t mean weakness. It means I’m done negotiating my existence. It means I’m choosing to be real even if it makes people flinch. Even if it means walking away from everything that only accepted me when I was lying.
I’m not here to be palatable.
I’m here to be free.
Stay strong. Stay real. Stay Sane.
– Patient Zero
Sources & Further Reading
All views are personal. Listed sources offer supporting insight into the concepts discussed above:
- Pearson, A. & Rose, K., 2021. A Conceptual Analysis of Autistic Masking: Understanding the Narrative of Stigma and the Illusion of Choice. Autism in Adulthood. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8992880/
Hull, L., Petrides, K.V., Allison, C., Smith, P. & Baron‑Cohen, S., 2017. "Putting on My Best Normal": Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autistic_masking
Petrolini, V., Rodríguez‑Armendariz, E. & Vicente, A., 2023. Autistic Camouflaging Across the Spectrum. New Ideas in Psychology. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autistic_masking
"The Difference Between Autistic Masking and Autistic Shielding", Autistic Ltd., 2022. https://autisticltd.co.uk/2022/08/01/the-difference-between-autistic-masking-and-autistic-shielding/
Verywell Health, 2024. For Many Autistic Women, High Masking Leads to Long‑Term Burnout. https://www.verywellhealth.com/autistic-women-high-masking-burnout-8725698
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