The Dark Triad Trade-off No One Talks About: why performative psychopathy isn’t worth it in the long run
I’m naturally very high in Dark Triad traits. I’m self-centred, always filtering a plan through “how does it affect me though”.
I’m a career salesperson and lifelong social chameleon, and I have selective empathy to protect myself because when it’s activated, it’s ACTIVATED. So I leave my empathy off most of the time.
What grinds my gears is seeing these traits I work against myself to overcome be paraded as the silver bullet that will save young men from themselves.
I work against this side of me and look for the right amount of empathy to connect without overloading my circuits and bleeding my heart all over the place.
Because that’s what makes life human, real and fun. Throwing that away on purpose is retarded.
I also contend with Persistant Demand Avoidance to make this happen. But the powerful combo of Dark Triad, PDA, a Sales Career, years in the Redpill space from a young age, and a bunch of other factors kept me in this dark hole cosplaying as a psycho for years, thinking it was the real me and the only way to live.
I was wrong.
Dating Coaches
Opium Tales is not a dating/relationship coach. Neither am I.
He’s a painter, writer, philosopher and life enjoyer.
Yet, without even trying to be one, he offers far better offhand pearls of wisdom on the topic than many calling themselves based dating coaches do.
If these guys telling you how to get women are so skilled and fulfilled, why are so many so angry? Or at least conceited? Think about it. Something is missing.
Some of it is gender war engagement bait I’m sure, but I’m not gona pretend it’s all just that. When the esoteric wisdom dispensers show their contempt for women I believe they mean it.
You could say it’s because “they know these dark and depressing truths from years of exposure, experience, data and seeing the decay of XYZ and… ”
I’m not disputing that. I’ve have my fair share of red and blackpilling experiences. But consider this… of what use did this dark truth serve if it brought them and their readers misery, worsening the plight of those unable to fully connect with a partner? Is this how you want to end up?
Imagine time travelling and telling your past self that in the future, all your interactions with the opposite sex are mentally filtered through the teachings of jaded, bitter guys. Or a psycho. Or worse, a datacel🤓with no experience but all the stats to prove why shit sucks.
You couldn’t pay me to hate women because I have the perfect one for me. Do you have good women in your life? If not, you’re at risk.
The internet would have me believe all women are bitches and all men are assholes. They’re right.
But she’s my bitch.
And I’m her asshole.
Compatible as a dingo and a baby, and even harder to separate.
All we can do is acknowledge that the differences that make the genders hate each other, also attract us to each other, and do our best to avoid friendly fire in the co-op game that is Playing House, without ignoring our personal respect boundaries.
Sounds complicated but it’s not. It shouldn’t sound perfect either because it’s not. But to me it is.
What’s a relationship that isn’t slightly insane?
Where’s the fun in that? I don’t think I really enjoyed any relationship until my partner first gets unhinged, then I know who they are. I see them. I trust them. She’s real. Thank god.
Perfection creeps me out. Performative femininity creeps me out. Performative affection is a war crime. I don’t want it. I’d rather be an incel. I want the real deal and that means being fearless.
Survivable ups and downs together are a step to finding the smooth sailing sweet spot to me. I try to maintain the smooth sail but fuck me, if the wave comes, I’m surfing that shit up, down, or sideways, cos if I can’t avoid the drama, I might as well enjoy it like the psycho I am.
I’ve been accused of pot stirring and gas lighting and like… yea… that was the only way I could reliably cook in the day.
My Autistic Integrity Module finally caught up and filed a motion to cease and desist such activity. It won the case and I cut this shit out about 2 years ago. But get this:
I have Persistant Demand Avoidance. I love being right and hate being wrong, and reject stupid expectations. In other words, drama is a massive bait for me, taking a lot of effort to avoid.
Autistic hypersensitivity to emotions still makes the general dramas, arguments, dread, post-fight make-ups and reconnections an 8k IMAX experience. A tiresome, sensational Hero’s Journey theme park ride. So I understand why bitches do this drama thing so often.
Despite me now never wishing this shit upon myself, it is addictive. This is emotional crack.
And like an any functioning addict in recovery, I keep this ship sailing straight, clean and free of hazards to the best of my ability. Unlike my younger self who argued over anything to pass the time and get that codependent toxic fix.
But when there’s an unavoidable shitstorm on the sea, the black flag goes up and I’m scowling at the rain pelting my ship.
I’m like “ah shit, here we go again. Fuck.” but on the inside I’m still smiling ear to ear like psycho wojak, hoping it gets worse so I can be a cunt, while I work against this demon to actually just do whatever I can to make it better. Always DARE Never DEER works well with the door open to reasonable deescalation like a responsible, healthy grown up.
It’s not even anger. It’s not even the other person. I’m like this in all disagreements with all people. I just really love to argue. I sometimes take sides I don’t even agree with just to have a fire debate. I hate that I’m like this.
I do at least take responsibility for my words and actions. I excuse myself before I break out the roasts.
I have mostly overcame this inner grinch and hopefully it’s fully gone before this crap can get passed to the next generation.
What the fuck is love?
To me it’s not losing respect for you when you’re down. Rare but it exists.
To me it’s also when Rose tells the guy she’s supposed to marry in Titanic that she’d rather be Jack’s whore than his wife. That’s it right there.
Hotheaded, messy, confused with lust, unstoppable. This sort of insanity is what I’m after and what I got. That’s my flex.
If I died today I’ll be who she thinks of 70 years later, after raising another man’s bloodline, still wishing it wasn’t so.
I’m exempt from the light switch effect cos I’m him.
Titanic’s a Blackpilled fucking movie about a broke prettyboy who maxes out his potential on a cruise and dies. Or is it? What if Jack was a complete sperg with no frame and no game? What if he stood in the shadows, scared to talk to her the whole movie, hoping his looks would still carry him to 1st class?
There’d be no movie bro.
As Opium might say, forget being Blackpill. Yes, beauty is a thing, pretty privilege is real, but if you’re not seeing the energetic value in yourself and the other human sharing your life, how can you interact with it?
She’s breathing in your vibe. Are you scared to lose it in that chaotic femininity? That push-pull dance is kind of the whole point of the game. The chase is literally the most fun part.
It’s hard to know this when you’re rotting at home.
Applying just one nugget of common sense from people like Opium can take you further than a doctorate degree in Dark n Griddy Psychology Secrets
I went down this fake and gay road for years with many tried and true, old reliable Machiavellian Sales artefacts still collecting dust in my brain.
Dark Triad gives you cheat codes but it robs you of the rollercoaster. I sometimes had to deliberately lose frame because I had so much I needed to make things fair and exciting. NEEDED. For my sanity. To legit-check myself. I just threw out the frame, forgot all about TRP and vibed my way back.
It was such a a crutch that throwing it away was both a gambling fix and redemption arc in one.
Dark Triad is a lot of work, mistakes, and time to get right. In the beginning it mostly just builds resentment, regret, paranoia, guilt, and shitty, brittle relationships.
Did you know that damaged people attract damaged people and healthy people attract healthy people? The triad is about emulating a specific type of damage.
Not to mention how difficult it is to stop and do better when it starts “working”.
The high-functioning autistic masker is especially vulnerable to falling for thinking this shit is the answer.
Source: me.
But there is better, healthier, even more effective ways to find and build connection than obscure evil tips from obscure evil people.
And I haven’t written anything on it. I probably won’t, because I’m not a dating coach either and this blog project is already straying pretty far off topic. Models by mark manson is a good start.
But you should read @Opium Tales and look for those pearls. Ignore the grifty courses.
Because If you wanted to learn to paint, you’d ask the fulfilled artist how it’s done, not the angry students dressed as Van Gogh.
Just because there’s some empty canvas in your head doesn’t mean you should fill it with nihilistic pessimism and dehumanising weapons.
Even if you win, you lose. And that’s just in dating. I haven’t even mentioned work.