Your friends chat all kinds of shit they know nothing about and somehow bumble and lumber their way into friends, situationships and relationships, while you put in 10 times the work and thought, crafting every word perfectly just to get ghosted. Forgotten. Friendzoned. Used. Discarded. Mocked.
It makes no sense until you understand what I’m about to tell you. No Redpill Guru, Looksmaxxing Blackpiller, traditional Dating Coach, Therapist, Charisma Coach or well-meaning buddy can tell you these things, because they don’t understand the neurodivergent experience. They think your problem is a lack of social skills, an incompatible brain, or a bad looks card.
It’s not these things, and it never was. I’ve fixed these things. At best it made things 10% easier. I got 10% farther. With 10% more suitable people. It took years to earn that marginal gain aimed for neurotypicals. Years.
The real 90% gamechangers are so well hidden you have to discover them by accident or be blessed with the knowledge from your environment. Nobody talks about this online. Everybody wants the answers and settles for lesser intel because it worked for a neurotypical.
Before we begin, I’m going to drop a horrific truth to end all lies. It’s probably the hardest pill you’ll ever swallow in your life, but it’s actually already halfway down your oesophagus, because you knew it all along, you just didn’t want to believe, because the truth hurts too much to see all at once.
It explains why we mask so hard, why masking doesn’t work, and why dating advice never works for us long-term because it’s built on this shaky foundation.
Then I’ll show you a better way to do it authentically, or take masking to an elite level, whichever you prefer.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Critical Context
1. Brutal Truth: The Time Bomb Effect
2. The Mask Never Lasts.
3, Masking in Relationships.
4. Why The Red Pill fails autistic men.
Workarounds
5. Method 1: Unmask and use brutal honesty as a badge of credibility
6. Method 2: Mental Power Tool- Deliberate Doublethink
7. Method 3: Authentic Charisma Hack - Split Synergy
⚠️WARNING⚠️
If you’re even remotely suicidal, STOP READING NOW. Back out. This is an infohazard which can further aggravate poor mental health.
If you’re ready, ok. There will be light on the other side of this, don’t worry. I’m going to teach you a horrific truth about the nature of Autism and give you the tools to correctly navigate.
Brutal Truth: The Time Bomb Effect
Ok, so the truth you already know but may not accept or know the depth of-
Neurotypicals, on a biologically instinctive level, detect Autism subconsciously, and have an innate sense of ‘other’ or opposition to us. Before getting to know us, just by watching how we move, feel something primal and uncontrollable: they see us similarly to aliens or imposters but can’t put their finger on why.
The goal of high-functioning masking is to avoid the mental tripwires in their brains, to avoid becoming “Opps” before we have a chance to speak, because first impressions are make-or-break. But no matter how good you get, this is always a losing strategy long-term.
“If I just fix my posture and my outfit and if I can talk about this Netflix show or sport I’ll finally be-” No. It doesn’t work that way. That just buys you more time. Every normal behaviour you perfect only adds seconds, minutes, or years to the time bomb. Given enough time, you will reveal yourself.
When this happens, usually through burnout and shutdown, we are vulnerable and need support, but to NT’s used to our masks, we “Suddenly switched up” which scares, alienates, and annoys them.
Their reasonable reaction to being duped pushes us further into the hole, making it difficult to recover ourselves and the situation without resistance and resentment from both sides. They’re angry they were lied to. We’re angry we had to lie at all.
In 2025, the prevailing advice is to unmask with everyone, be real, and if they don’t like it they can fuck off. I’m going to pat my own generation on the back for being more open to neurodiversity than any that came before, but we still face traumatic ableism, exclusion, bullying, employment issues, and dating difficulties that at some point drive those of us able to mask to be fake so we can feel real.
Of course, by the time we “pass” as neurotypical, there’s very little of the real us left to feel real about. I’ve “integrated” learned behaviour into my base personality after years and years, but there’s always a realer layer below it saying the opposite things in my head. To NT’s this is “natural character growth”. To me it’s Lobotomy.
Which brings me to why we fuck up so badly at socialising & dating, even after all the self-improvement arcs.
The Mask Never Lasts.
It has an expiry date, and a limited fuel cell which may be drained before you can recharge, mid interaction. There are also a billion nano-leaks you’re unaware of but the NT reptile brain picks up on.
You will reveal your autistic colours, and when you do, everything that came before- your whole history with the person and the true nature of the person themself, will determine if it goes well or not.
We fuck this all up by doing things backwards, trying to be perfect and normal until we can’t.
When I worked in a fancy cocktail bar, I wore my bartender mask for 8-hour shifts comprising of a few hundred quick interactions. To the customer, I looked like I had it all together, but 3 minutes into a breakroom conversation and the “weird” started to crack through. I wasn’t openly autistic with co-workers (management knew), so I tried to contain these leaks, but for my mental health I really should’ve came out.
To “balance” it out, I adopted a “If I have nothing normal to say, say nothing at all” mentality, which really meant standing around looking confident and being too quiet. I tried to give mysterious but I probably gave serial killer. Idk.
I was not there to get into anything romantically, I don’t shit where I eat (one of my autistic moral codes, idk)- but here’s what I picked up:
The girls my age there were ridiculously over-the-top friendly, and even a little flirty with me at first, until they saw past the work aura. Then I was just a hard to talk to quiet guy. I left all that cocky/funny shit at the door when I went to work. They slowly left me alone.
The teens, cougars, and foreigners learning english still threw themselves at me regardless, but I kept my hands clean, scared to lose my job and self respect. I had to stick to the code.
The point here is committing to the work mask closed doors that were once open to me. I chose this, but the point still stands. It also shows that looksmaxxing only opens the door for a brief minute until their social intelligence and lack of desperation screens you out.
SIDENOTE TO AMERICANS ABROAD:
Every nationality I met in this Irish tourist trap was equally promiscuous, I heard and seen it all, but you guys have no subtlety at all. You like me? Ok cool, but was it necessary to announce it to the whole bar? I have to politely turn you down equally loudly now to save face and I don’t want to do that to you.
Masking in Relationships
I’ve entered 2 long term relationships trying to mask my way through start to finish. They became prolonged wars of attrition and misery, held together with sex and a prayer. The flings and situationships never became more either. The Mask can open the gate, but it’s the gate to all the wrong roads.
What’s the point of a relationship if they love the character I sometimes have the energy to play, and hate the other guy? I am the other guy. He’s me. You couldn’t tell me this when I was single, though. When we’re lonely we do insane things for affection.
You think you want sex. What you actually want is proof you’re good enough to be desired. The wrong relationship with lots of sex is just square one all over again, except now there’s a person distracting you with all their problems while you fight the sting of “not good enough” still creeping in from all directions.
Why The Red Pill Fails Autistic Men
The red pill toolbox fails autistic men because to the autistic man, the red pill is not a toolbox, it’s a masking framework- a catalogue of characters to play, in the hopes that your liquid personality can eventually integrate and become that guy for real. It’s a ‘Fake it til you make it’ tome. At this final level, it does actually work. HOWEVER-
Very, very, and I mean VERY few make this far, because there are pitfalls that autism is especially vulnerable to.
We’ve masked for so long, these new ideas become a persona, and the persona fits just like a mask, and becomes one, in the folder of masks. Once the brain categorises it as a Mask, there is no ‘Make it’ at the end of ‘Fake it’.
It also takes too much energy for us just to do a half-assed job.
To integrate and become him, it takes opaque, nuanced thought to truly understand. We are known for black-and-white, logical thinking where everything is a fact, a category, or a system.
The red pill is tools for your real self to deploy until it becomes instinct, not materials to build another mask until you burn out.
To be truly cocky and funny, to read a room correctly, to surf the vibe and to gently apply push/pull just right, to understand the subtle amog only visible to those who understand womanese (watch desperate housewives for examples), requires liquid, illogical, instinctual mental flexibility.
When women say they want intelligent men, they don’t typically mean STEM geniuses. They mean someone who understands what’s being said between the lines, so she can speak in code to you and say her fucked up thoughts without actually saying them, knowing they’re safe with you. It also means you can crack a good joke on the fly.
It requires thinking like a Neurotypical at the hardware level whilst remaining true to yourself and respecting your autism. Does this sound like an impossible paradox? Believe me it’s not, and I have an exercise to help with that in this article. Keep reading and don’t skip a single word.
The Red Pill Pitfalls that catch us out:
- Treating it like a system. (Dehumanises yourself and others)
- Thinking it’s a set of scripts (it will fail you miserably if you treat it like this).
- Letting it become a mask. (read above paragraphs)
- Coming to Misogynistic conclusions and hating women. This is a Faux Pas beginners make that bottom-feeder attention whore influencers feed on. You will have a harder time connecting with people if you go down this path. I did, it was shit.
The Real Red Pill is:
- Accepting women as they are. (Human)
- Accepting yourself as you are. (I am enough)
- Being okay with how fucked up human nature is. (Nothing you can do)
- Shifting your mental locus of control back to you. (I control my life)
- Navigating pitfalls and Thriving in it. (Fuck it we ball)
Ok, now onto what works well for Neurodivergents.
---WORKAROUNDS---
Method 1: Unmask and use brutal honesty as a badge of credibility
When we mask, we give off small signs that something is off. When everything is going smoothly, a sharp NT will feel it. With no signs of Autism to armchair diagnose, they may arrive at alternative explanations, such as Psychopathy, Sociopathy, OCD, Anger issues, or simply that you’re weird and creepy. The invisible, subconscious signs add up.
A mask is good for getting through a 3 minute interaction with someone you’ll never see again. It’s a time bomb for everyone else- even if they suspect nothing, you run the risk of shutdown, burnout, identity issues, and even implosion.
It’s a lose-lose to mask for extended periods of time.
Overcoming the survival instinct to always “Be Normal” is rough. I suppressed my autism for almost 3 decades like my life depended on it, because all my life experience told me it did.
Unmasking to people changed my life. It’s never been easier. Everybody already knows somebody who’s autistic/adhd. People get it. They understand enough to know it’s not something you can change. They’re willing to listen to you explain how it shows up and makes you the way you are. If not, you don’t really want them around anyway.
One of the benefits of being openly Autistic is you feel more comfortable saying what you really think out loud. Stuff other people are afraid to say. Stuff that needs to be said. Self depricating things. Uncomfortable truths. Or just insights no one else thought of.
While it seems brash and rude to act like this, the right amount actually increases your credibility and trust, and makes you a safe person or “real one” who never bullshits.
Having this status is OP in social and dating scenarios. People need the real deal.
If they can’t handle it, evaluate if you were being too much of a dickhead, or if they were really worth being around. Have some tact, have respect, but always be real and tell the truth.
Method 2: Mental Power Tool- Deliberate Doublethink
“Learn the rules like a scholar so you can break them like an artist” Pablo Picasso
We see the world in black and white. A statement is either true or false. An opinion is either right or wrong. When we see someone holding two opposing views at once we think they’re either intellectually lazy or they have no integrity at all.
The ability to balance opposing facts to create a nuanced view is critical when assessing a scenario and deciding an accurate viewpoint. Writing that made me feel icky. It feels like a lie, but people on the spectrum are susceptible to the “all or nothing” approach when it comes to deciding what’s a fact and what isn’t.
We take sides. We hold strong views. We take pride in our logic and wonder why others won’t do the same. But it blinds us to reality and limits our potential.
Black and white thinking: Fact A is correct, and Fact B is False
Nuanced Thinking: The common ground between A and B is where the Truth is.
DoubleThink: Fact A and B are both correct, even though they contradict and cannot be both logically true.
The word Doublethink comes from George Orwell’s book 1984, where the tyrannical government forces Doublethink on the population as a gaslighting and control tactic. The idea itself sounds like a threat to independent thought and intelligence when other people do it to you. When you do it to yourself by mistake, you encounter an anxiety called Cognitive Dissonance, which urges you to check the facts and pick a side.
Doublethink is illogical and the opposite of 1st principles, fact-based, black & white thinking… but it has its advantages. People, especially NTs, doublethink all day everyday without overthinking it, and the effect of cognitive dissonance when people realise their own contradictive nature has spawned many memes.
Competent Narcissists and Liars doublethink as they perform mental gymnastics to justify their actions, temporarily believing their own lies to sell them better. I am guilty of this.
Tactical Doublethink
What I’ve discovered is creating and holding false views and believing them completely for a short time is an excellent way to increase performance in any area of life. Holding opposing, incompatible views simultaneously help balance myself out as a person and focus more on things I actually believe in and stand for, so I don’t waste time overthinking other people’s crusades. I use doublethink to balance and navigate Politics, Religion, Other People, and drive me further than I would normally go when working on something.
Some Examples:
Relationships: Beat The Madonna-Whore Complex
The Madonna-Whore Complex is the idea that men categorise women as Madonnas (Perfect Angels) or Whores (Slutty Bitches). It’s a limiting belief that blocks us from real connection. Mental Flexibility allows us to see her as neither a the limited characature of Angelic Perfection or Slutty Bitch. It allows us to see her as she is- human, both, neither, and more.
How is she supposed to feel free and safe to be your slut when she feels obligated to be an angel?
How is she supposed to be kind and caring and feminine when you only see her as a hoe?
She’s both sides and more if you let her be.
When I beat the complex it unlocked deeper connections and better sex. Let go of the limiting lie of binary femininity.
Fitness/Work Ethic: Gym Performance
I gaslight myself into pushing harder in the gym and with manual labour tasks by imagining nightmare ragebait scenarios. It works. It’s legit.
How Eddie Hall Used Hypnosis to Set Deadlift World Record 500kg Strongman (MUST WATCH) - YouTube
Spiritual Views: atheist until there’s a death, you hit rock bottom, or you want answers or an experience.
Life Philosophy: The Dichotomy of Competition and Equality.
Drama: There are two sides to every drama and I don’t cast blame but I will always side with the person closest to me, as my core value of Loyalty trumps my superficial value of impartiality.
DoubleThinking is a muscle that gets stronger the more you do it, and helps you understand the normie better as they operate from this mental point of origin more often than not. Emotion and peer influence make decisions and logic explains it later.
What it’s not:
It is not for mimicking, masking, or becoming more like the person you’re talking to and faking your values, that’s what got us in this mess.
It’s a thermal vision scope that helps you read minds, predict behaviours, and power tool to go Creator Mode on your own psyche.
It’s not something you should actually make decisions with, as I believe autistic bottoms-up systems thinking is superior.
Method 3: Authentic Charisma Hack - Split Synergy
Split Synergy is a term I came up with to describe a way I noticed my brain gets in the zone for vibing with people while unmasked and real.
As someone with ADHD and Autism, it feels like having a drained pessimist and a happy go lucky crackhead fight for control of my brain.
Split Synergy is about reading the room, deciding what part of the real, true me is best to be, and triggering myself into becoming him.
For example, in social, loud scenarios with music and lights and a lot going on, it’s time to activate ADHD and vibe.
In a quiet, respectful conversation, the deep, analytical, and sensitive Autism shines better and takes the spotlight.
This isn’t about mimicking Split Personality Disorder, nor is is a form of Masking.
What it is, is selectively getting into character as the most effective real side of myself, for real. If it feels like acting it’s not working.
A can of monster and a few pushups puts me into ADHD mode- everything is fun, nothing is impossible, I am a machine built to overcome and win and vibe.
A dark, quiet space, or an intricate system, or a deep dive into some topic or game can take me back into Autism, where clarity of thought, logic, systems thinking and sensitivity take the reins.
Split Synergy is about cataloguing your true faces, under the mask, and figuring out the best ways to Switch into them, like switching from Michael to Trevor in GTA.
I avoided this for years because I saw the movie Split and thought I was enabling mental illness, but it’s the opposite: I feel free, empowered, real, and most importantly- Effective.
Vibing is easy and no longer fake.
Menial Tasks are done with endless crackhead energy.
I can be serious or funny when the situation demands it.
Mental flexibility is OP. Give it a go.
I wrote a separate guide for how to actually vibe with the mask off, ensuring the relationship that develops is built on solid, real foundations and not a mask you need to wear every day Here.
Thanks For Reading.
Be Good.
Academic Sources & Further Reading
Cage, E. and Troxell-Whitman, Z., 2019. Understanding the reasons, contexts and costs of camouflaging for autistic adults. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(5), pp.1899–1911.
Masking as a survival mechanism that leads to burnout.
Hull, L., Mandy, W. and Petrides, K.V., 2017. Behavioural and cognitive sex/gender differences in autism spectrum condition and typically developing males and females. Autism, 21(6), pp.706–727.
Backs exploration of gender differences in social dynamics and dating experiences.
Hull, L. et al., 2019. “Putting on My Best Normal”: Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49, pp.715–731.
Core source for “mask never lasts” argument.
Livingston, L.A., Shah, P. and Happé, F., 2019. Compensation in autism: Evidence from camouflaging and beyond. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 104, pp.241–253.
Supports that high-functioning masking has hidden psychological costs.
Morrison, K.E. et al., 2020. Relationship experiences of autistic and non-autistic women and men: Similarities, differences, and relationship satisfaction. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 50(10), pp.3672–3686.
Evidence base for dating, attraction, and compatibility issues between autistic and neurotypical individuals.
Mitchell, P., Sheppard, E. and Cassidy, S., 2021. Autistic adults’ theory of mind, social anxiety, and relationship satisfaction. Autism, 25(1), pp.77–87.
Relevant to my analysis of why “connection fails” even when masking works.
Fombonne, E., 2018. The rising prevalence of autism. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 59(7), pp.717–720.
Useful context for modern social discourse and how autism is increasingly visible (and misunderstood) in online culture.
Milton, D., 2012. On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society, 27(6), pp.883–887.
Core philosophical theory supporting the idea that the problem is a two-way empathy gap between neurotypes.