This is a 3-in-1 Guide:
- Master Small talk Fast
- Talk Topics List and when to talk about them
- 10 Tips for being a “Real One” while Autistic.
1. Master Small Talk Fast and Easy
I’ve uncovered people’s entire life stories and deepest secrets with this stupid method. Here’s how it’s done:
- Ask a vague question like "How was your weekend?" with a warm smile.
- Wait for some detail like “cinema”
- Repeat back what they said as a question “You went to the cinema?..” in such a way that invites them to give more detail. Nod and act interested as they talk.
- They say: “Yea I went with Brandon and we watched Friday the 13th”
- “Friday the 13th?”
- “Yea it’s a horror franchise about blah blah blah”
- After they share, share something small and relevant back, or make a joke, then pivot to:
- “And how’s Brandon?” or “Have you always liked Horror?”
Tips:
- Your "Vibe" or "Aura", not your words, is the force multiplier which determines how quickly you can get into rapport. It determines how much your company is enjoyed, and how fast you can dig deeper to get out of small talk into something real. Speak from the better parts of your heart, not the brain.
- Don't try to fake your "Aura". Selectively show the good parts of the real you.
- It’s important to share small stuff back. The more relevant/funny the better but don’t infodump. Let them do 50-75% of the talking.
- 75% and above enters “unpaid therapist” territory.
- 90% and above is "Interrogation" or “Consultant” territory. It can be done if they need someone to listen, or they just love to blab. Interrogation is repulsive. To enter “consultant mode” you must first pass the "Vibe Check" but we are autistic so be careful and don’t push people.
If you do not understand Vibes and Auras, I wrote another short, complete, and straight-to-the-point guide here: https://www.asdkings.com/p/guide-vibes-auras-aura-farming.html
2. Small Talk Topics List
What Topics are Safe?
This is a template of chat topics along with who to bring them up with. There are two ways to use this list:
A. The Healthy Way
If another person veers off the template, you can listen but avoid oversharing, as they haven't earned it yet and cannot be trusted.
B. The Evil Way
If your goal is to manipulate someone, you want to speed-run to level 4 and gain maximum trust. You can get to level 4 in one conversation but it’s weird and unhealthy.
Common Sense
Do not go beyond Level 2 at work.
Level 1 Topics (Safe with anybody friendly)
- Weekend
- Weather
- Some current event
- Did you see TV Show/Sports Event?
- Work stuff
- Something interesting happening onsite or nearby
- Common interest or experience (This upgrades the person to Buddy)
Level 2 Topics (Buddy Required)
- How's family/kids/partner/friend?
- Light, non-negative gossip (only say good things)
- Planning any trips this year?
- Light bitching and moaning (About inanimate things, Do not slander others or the company)
To upgrade Buddy to Friend, you must complete 2 or more of the following:
- Do something together that accelerates trust and builds a connection. It could be anything; hardship or fun so long as you share an emotional experience.
- Share a sense of humour,
- Know deeper stuff about each other
- Do boring stuff together but know them a long time.
Level 3 Topics (Friend Required)
This is no longer Small Talk
- Political, Religious and Philosophical Views
- Real Gossip
- Life goals
- Low Risk Secrets
To upgrade Friend to Trusted Best Friend, both of you must display loyalty in the face of
hardship, temptation, drama, severe conflict of interest or pressure.
You need to see each other's real values battle tested.
The level of trust this creates is rare in civilian life and priceless.
Level 4 Topics (Trusted Best Friend Required)
- Real Secrets
- Real Traumas
- Real Fears
- Embarrassing Problems
Dodge Controversy at work
Avoid politics and religion at work. If they bring it up, act like you have no opinion and you don’t follow it in the news and change the topic.The same goes for damning, negative gossip.
It’s important to never leak your controversial views at work.
If they pressure you to take a side on a controversial issue, continue playing harmlessly ignorant and ask them for more information on the topic and how they arrived at their position. Let them rant and act fascinated.
Tell them they make a good point, regardless of how stupid they seem to you. They’ll drop the mask and say something you can hang them with later on if you need to. Always play dumber than the dummy.
10 Tips to be a “Real One” on the spectrum
1. Tell them you’re Autistic and how it shows up for you.
2. Take the initiative, say hi, plan stuff. Most people will follow momentum and are scared to make the first move.
3. Remember and use their name, it’s the most important word in the world to them.
4. Don’t expect them to follow any script in your head. If they did it would be boring.
5. Don’t agree to stuff you don’t like, have integrity.
6. Don’t be afraid to be seen enjoying stuff you enjoy. Others who were afraid may join.
7. Never tolerate bad behaviour towards you or it will get worse. Strong boundaries prevent crashouts.
8. Stick to plans and promises, have integrity.
9. Always choose your core values, have integrity
10. Hear people out after you’ve made up your mind, you might be wrong, they might be wrong, you both might be wrong.
Thanks for reading.