If you try to take my freedom, I will do anything to keep it, even if it costs me safety, relationships, jobs, or stability. I’ve exchanged all of these once or twice for freedom at some point, and I’ve been ready to give my life. Freedom is non negotiable for me.
Why?
Is it Irish blood?
I have rebel ancestors but I don’t believe in genetic memories.
Was I born with a flaming 1776 American spirit of independence?
Unlikely. In a European country born to European parents with European values it seems far fetched.
Or is it Pathological Demand Avoidance, a theoretical profile within Autism which resists undue influence on principle?
I don’t know. It’s just a theory not yet recognised in the DSM.
One way or another, I don’t care why I’m allergic to bullshit, oppression, suppression and tyranny. I just am.
Sovereignty and Freedom are so fragile and so valuable, they say the grass and the trees in free countries were fertilised with the blood of millions. I don’t mean to glorify war, I’m saying I understand the grim, immense human cost of liberty.
Many of us don’t understand the real value of money until we get a job.
Most of us have never been to war, so we cannot begin to fathom the real value of our freedom.
We weren’t there for the many wars of independence, the rebellions, the civil wars, the world wars, the proxy wars and the sectarian wars that shaped the countries we live in.
I haven’t lost anybody in a conflict, so to fully appreciate the value of what freedom I always had in life is difficult.
Some of you do. Some of my readers are from countries currently at war, reading the same article as another reader from the country they’re at war with. Both have lost people close. Both know the real price of war and the true value of peace.
The Enemy
Everyday, we fight an invisible war, one battle at a time, but no matter how much victories we claim, we always lose ground to the invisible enemy who’s been wearing us down with attrition tactics and mind games for years, even decades.
Every victory feels like a loss, because this enemy fights dirty and patiently, tricking us into fighting ourselves, so every victory incurs a cost on us.
It’s not the government, it’s not the algorithm, it’s not the NT’s, and it’s not lizard people from the backrooms.
It’s not the deep state.
It’s not the ghost of Epstein.
It’s not the greys.
It’s not the red shield banking clan.
It’s not immigrants.
It’s not mainstream media.
It’s not the CIA.
It’s not bot accounts.
It’s not Billionaires.
It’s not Diddy.
The real enemy of my “high functioning” mind is more powerful than all of these combined: the most determined and unstoppable force on earth: myself.
Being able to just barely pass as nt leaves me with the insurmountable burden of guilt and endless rumination for every tiny mistake. An infinite source of powerful, everlasting self hatred.
Common wisdom tells us self hatred is a disease to be cured. But I distrust common wisdom.
Autism acceptance gives us the permission to forgive ourselves for not measuring up to the impossible standard we were not built for, but then what?
A lifetime of hatred doesn’t simply evaporate. It doesn’t disappear because we beat it with facts and logic.
So where does it go?
Wherever we want it to.
Through hatred we gain passion, and through passion we gain strength.
It would be a bigger crime against ourselves to waste our untapped passion and not harness the poison to fulfil our deepest goals than the crime of the unjust and toxic process that created it was.
Have you ever made something creative while emotional? Chances are it hit harder than usual.
Have you ever exercised while angry and determined?
You pushed harder than you thought you would.
Have you ever felt something so strong you snapped out of autopilot and done something difficult on the fly, following your gut and ADHD single mindedly?
My best moments happened like this.
The world gave us trauma.
It’s our property to use as we wish.
Thanks for reading.
