Burning out the Autistic Mask
I discovered this method at my sales job one day by accident. For years I had masked using the old method of basically having an alt personality for the setting I was in. It was extremely taxing and I burnt out regularly.
But the brain is built for efficiency and survival, and one day my brain was on ‘Critically Low power mode’ after 20 sales calls with NT’s. My mask did not have the fuel to keep going but I kept pushing myself to do my job and what happened was phenomenal.
All the data in my head I used for interacting was gone. I had no lines or quick responses or even my own sales script in my working memory.
All I had to go on was gut feeling, a vibe, a mission to sell, and barebones half-forgotten knowledge of the products. I had no mask left. No tools. No info. No Logic. No ability to fake emotions anymore unless I actually felt them. It was doomed to fail.
But it didn’t. In fact, I sold more in that half hour than I had for the previous 2 days. Every person I called was vibing back and it was like my job was on easy mode. I was still trying hard, but without being a tryhard.
I spoke from the gut, shot from the hip, let my vibe take the wheel of my mouth and people were happy to chat with me instead of finding reasons to hang up. This was my most effective ‘mask’ so far.
I was worried I’d say the wrong thing and I did a few times but recovered each time with “oh sorry honest mistake what I meant was…” and they could feel the honesty so it always worked.
When I recharged my batteries and could mask fully again, I decided to skip it and give this Vibe Mode a shot again. It was hard to fight the urge to fully mask when I had the energy to do it but I figured out the steps to get in this headspace at will:
Four steps to Vibe Mode
All you need to have a high-rapport conversation with an NT is to:
1. DEFRAG: Let go of the mask completely by clearing your mind like a zen monk
2. DESYNC:
Don’t think of lines to say, instead have the courage to let go of the wheel and let your gut and your vibe do all the talking.
3. DESTINATION:
Have a rough Idea of what you want from the conversation: a goal, a feeling, a fact, it could be anything. Once the goal is achieved, continue with a tasteful amount of small talk to humanise and smoothen the interaction.
4. DETOUR:
Mentally load a temporary, fluid 'template' of simple and related conversational pit stops to chain that will most likely get you there.
I say Fluid because real people won't follow any script in your head and you'll need to add 1 or 2 new pit stops on the fly to naturally 'loop' back into the template. Looping back in too crudely is "talking in circles" and derails the vibe, which is your no.1 asset.
Social Example:
Weather 👉 Any Trips Planned? 👉 Trip Stories 👉 Crazy Trip stories 👉 We should hang out sometime.
Professional Example:
Short small talk 👉 What's your solution for XYZ? How's it working out? 👉 listen & identify problems 👉 repeat problems back to them 👉 I can fix that for you right now, no hassle 👉 Sale
And the best part is: it takes a fraction of the mental load it costs to mask normally.
Why NT’s trust Vibe over Words
Have you ever wondered how some people can spot AI writing when it’s not that obvious? The skill of spotting it existed long before Ai.
Because when we hear or read something, we can tell if it feels authentic or not. We can tell if it came from the heart. Full Masking is by definition inauthentic, and trying to portray authenticity whilst masking is so cognitively taxing there will always be leaks.
This method relies on authenticity to carry it’s momentum, so the cracks are almost undetectable. This increases trust and rapport, even if the words you say make less sense.
Mental Cost: Full Mask vs Vibe Mode
Full Mask:
Load an entire ‘Mask Personality’ file into the brain before conversation, trying to remember all past mistakes, body language and social tips, thinking of every line to say, revising lines before speaking, missing chances to speak, fighting overstimulation and anxiety all at the same time.
Vibe Mode:
Load barebones, extremely simple, temporary ‘Template Files’ (Detour) for common scenarios, and when the scenario changes, dump the file from working memory and load another small file for that scenario, saving mental RAM and CPU.
The template files are less than 1% as cognitively expensive as a mask persona, but actually perform better, because the gaps are filled with Vibe and not logic.
The templates are simple reminders of the optimal conversation path, but the blanks are filled in by tapping into the true personality under the mask.
Words, expressions, and body language are all outsourced from the brain to the emotion centre for ‘Vibe Chat Mode’
Pros:
- Less cognitive load required
- More room to be authentic and real
- More effective conversations as the NT-ND bridge is built faster and stronger
- More brain power and memory to think about the conversation topic, leading to less freezing, tongue-slips, and cringe.
- Mistakes are more easily overlooked
- Increased Trustworthiness
- Reduced Mask Leaks
Cons:
- it’s technically still masking
Important Tips:
Defrag & Desync:
The skill of clearing your mind felt impossible to me at first because I have anxieties and hadn’t done it before. The harder I tried the harder I failed.
To develop this skill, I did a 30 minute mindfulness meditation (YouTube) until I got the hang of it, and read The Unfettered Mind by Takuan Soho to understand and strengthen the skill. Once you learn how to do it, you can do it at will.
The skill is just the ability to allow thoughts and feelings fly through you and disappear instead of catching yourself on them. It’s literally just being ok with letting go. This allows you to get into Vibe Mode and ignore compulsions.
Detour:
The most generally applicable pit stops are funny banter and emotional highs and lows that build trust. I wrote a list of appropriate topics to bring up in different scenarios here.
Detour topics must be immediately related to one another by 1 degree of separation to flow naturally.
The 'Mental Templates' are simply closely-related topics that can be chained from the conversation's comfort zone to the chosen destination. Think of them like bicycle gears.
Conclusion
Vibe Mode is still a mask. But it’s agile, lightweight and can dropped and reloaded at will. I’ll never go back to the Full Mask again I’d rather sound raw, real, and bring my full brainpower to the conversation than show up as a polished and dead characature.
Action step
Pick one small conversation today. Don’t load your mask file. Just set a destination, pick one detour, and let your gut take the wheel. Notice what happens.
Thanks for Reading.
-Patient Zero
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Photo by Rob Griffin
Sources and Further Reading
Evans, J. A. (2024). Autistic Masking in Relation to Mental Health, Interpersonal Trauma, and Authenticity. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.
Summerill, J. (2025). The consequences of social camouflaging in autistic adults. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders. Elsevier.
Khudiakova, V., Russell, E. et al. (2024). Camouflaging significantly negatively correlated with autistic burnout severity. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders.
Raymaker, D. M., Teo, A. R., Steckler, N. A., Kripke, C. C., et al. (2020). “Having All of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure…”: Defining Autistic Burnout. Autism in Adulthood.
National Autistic Society. (2023). Autistic Burnout. Autism.org.uk.
Wikipedia. (2025). Masking (behavior).
Harvard Health Publishing. (2024). Autism: The challenges and opportunities of an adult diagnosis. Harvard Health Blog.
Piterman, A. L. (2022). Autistic Women and Masking: The Road to Closing the Gender-Based Gap. Harvard DASH.
